A New President

Wow! what a historic day and Steve wasn't here to witness it. I made sure the kids in my class watched the swearing in of our 44th president. We listened to the speech, but much was not registering with an audience of seven and eight year olds. Today was also Jane's birthday and Gen's half birthday. Our morning and afternoon help is changing. Transitions everywhere, and I feel as if I'm trying to keep the tide back with a wall of sand...it's not working and I don't feel prepared to deal with anything. Running away isn't an option....but it sounds good right now. Sleeping through it was what I would have done in the past, but now sleep doesn't come that easily. I'm trying to focus on the support from friends and what a blessing everyone is. I have to keep going forward...turning back is not an option.

Too Cold to Go to School

The temps have dipped low again and it's too cold to go to school. We are in the middle of six day weekend. It's been a nice mini vacation. It's been nice spending the time here at the house with the kids. We haven't done much...just relaxed. Daniel came over for a day and we had a really nice time...and he actually wanted to come back. Baby steps there! It's amazing how things come full circle for me...I am having flash backs to when Tom came into my mom's life after dad died. I was not happy and didn't accept him...or his kids. I remember his kids sitting on the couch saying nasty things about mom.... Also, grandma's relationship with Roy comes flooding to the forefront of my mind. I hope with these experiences, memories, and lessons I can keep from repeating the negative things that I have seen and been a part of.

Snow, Snow and More Snow

It seems as if it has snowed every day for the past week and a half. My saving grace is that we have had periods of blue sky intermittent with the snow showers. It is sooooo beautiful to gaze upon the white fields and the blue sky. There is such peace and the sound...or lack of...is amazing. The temperatures have been bitter cold...not like what is predicted for the next couple of days...high of -5 with wind chills of -30. Now that is COLD!!!!

Getting back in the swing of school and lessons and meetings (regular life!) has gone relatively smoothly. It still takes my breath away when every scheduled item is a go and nothing has been canceled. We do better when we are busy...but a little flexible time would be nice...I think. Gen is back to going to sleep in her own room. She has actually slept all the way through the night 4 times now since the beginning of the new year! Sleep comes and goes for me...depends on what my brain seems to need to work on and the time it decides to get to work...It has a mind of it's own (pun intended!)

Both Wethersfield and Princeton school districts declared a snow day. Too bad, going back to bed was not an option for me. Gen woke up with an earache in the middle of the night...so off to Spring Valley and Dr. Bob in the middle of the snow coming down. The drive went smoothly and Daniel went with us. Not sure what went through Dr. Bob's mind as he was checking both Genevieve and Daniel's ears. The comment was made about weird twists of fate. As he looked down at the desk and ever so gently looked back up at me and nodded. I can tell that he, too, has been touched by the deaths of two very special people.

Jane, my mother-in-law sent an email indicating that she would like to come for a visit. I fear I hurt her feelings in my lack of response to her. I want her to come and spend time with us, be with the kids and me. It's been such a long time and so much has changed...Steve was always here when she/they would come to visit...another thing to do without him.

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

A New Year

Here it is the first day of a new year. What is there to say? This past year has been so incredibly unbelievable. A year ago (January 2, 2008) we went to the neurologist and he confirmed all the tests that Steve had undergone showed nothing...there was no explanation for his "spells." There wasn't anything to do, but keep his blood pressure under control and he would see Steve again in July. We all know what happened...the surreal feelings that come with a loved one dieing...the questions that come and go...the if only, would have, should have... But it all doesn't change the fact that he is gone and we miss him and his love and spirit lives on in all of us who knew him and loved him. Genevieve reminds me constantly that his love is and will always be growing with us...That thought is what helps get me through the tough times. As hard as all of this has been...I see good things in the kids...the resiliency they exhibit, the love and caring they show...the tears that come and cleanse. We have pulled together. We have built friendships with others that weren't in our lives before. We have reached out to accept help and support. The love and kindness that are present in our lives is remarkable and a blessing. Through our loss we have been blessed with so many good people...the new friends, the friends that have stayed and yet some other friends have disappeared. It is easy sometimes to just focus on the loss and the emptiness...we have reached a good balance (I think!) We will continue to miss Steve and focus on the good things that are happening. As they say...Life goes on.