Is this my life?

This afternoon and evening was one of those time when my life doesn't seem like mine. Who am I? What am I doing here? Why isn't Steve here? I didn't ask for this...I don't want this life. I want my old life back...but do I? I can't make another decision by myself. I can't raise these kids by myself. God, I feel so very lost right now. Not loved, so alone. There are people all around me. Caring, wonderful people. My heart is just so cracked and open and aching and bleeding. The utility bill came today...I try to get ahead, but it seems like everything just keeps chipping away at what little strength...what little reserve I have. Tonight is a night I will cry myself to sleep. The empty spot beside me a cavern without end. These times don't come too often...but they still come and stay awhile, just a little while...so that I don't get too comfortable I suppose.