Sunday Evening

I sit here with a quilt made of Steve's shirts laying over my legs; missing him terribly. Trying to write about how I have done my Christian study. Obviously reflecting on the last almost 4 years, given that my Christian study didn't start until after Steve died. Examining the past four years has brought me to a surreal place. I am thankful for the amazing people in my life. People have come and gone. People have come and stayed. People have just left. With all of the people are lessons and love, forgiveness and light.

I am thankful for the growth of our family and the growth of each individual over the past four years.
I look at Ben and see this amazing young man, finding himself, liking himself, enjoying life.
In Gen I see this fragile little butterfly. She is a beautiful young lady trying to understand a world and people...and really, is there really anything to understand in the end?
Kaylyn has even grown. She has found a passion that seems to motivate her.

I am thankful for a hole that has been filled with God's love and grace. A hole filled with God's truth that I am somebody in His eyes, that he will not leave me. He is always there for me, no matter how far I move from Him, He is always waiting patiently for me. An enormous hole that I never thought would have been filled...especially after the death of someone so very loved. The death of someone I put a lot of my identity in. Filled after friends close doors. Filled after a broken man walks out and walks on to "easier." I don't think It was me that was hard...he couldn't feel the emotions...he couldn't let go of the past...he could only go so deep. I still love him, yet I know God has this covered with his plans for me.