Choices

In the beginning happiness seemed impossible. Everything was gray, fuzzy and
painful...slowly the world around me has taken on new color and I have found
joy again. Life is tainted with the death of my husband, it always will be. I
am becoming a new person, building a different life, doing things I never
thought I would have to do (and enjoying some of them.) Creating a life after
a loved one dies is a process...not an event. We have bad days...sometimes
they seem to go on forever....then we start having some better days and it all
builds into more and more better days. We make choices about how we are going
to react to the world around us. Yes, sometimes we have to make the choice to
be happy not sad...find joy instead of despair, be with others not be
alone...make changes not be stagnant. When the time is right, we make these
choices. I too have friends that have had loved ones die and they seem to be
attached to their grief. I see them and know I don't want to live my life that
way. For everything there is a season.....we grieve...we feel the pain...we
find value in living again...we feel joy...it all will happen as long as we
allow ourselves to feel the feelings that come and then let them go.

On March 18 it marked a year from the time Steve took his last breath. Now I'm
into the second year and I am finding this a new path to journey down. I am no
longer the newly widowed...but I am still missing my husband and the life we
had and the plans and dreams of the future. But I can see hope and
possibilities...I am making choices...