Remembering Steve

Yesterday we had a wonderful gathering partly to remember Steve and most importantly, for me, to show my appreciation to all the wonderful people who have been with us this past year. Over 50 people came. It was quite amazing for me to see the number of people who have entered our lives since Steve died. I remember when dad died and how many people disappeared from our lives. I personally thought it was because Tom had entered our lives and people didn't like him. But I have come to surmise that it is more because people are so uncomfortable with death and grief...they (the people) run the other way because they don't want to have anything so horrible close to them. Yes, being with a grieving person takes extra care. They might cry or want to talk about the person that died. Heaven forbid anyone show vulnerable emotions. I managed to make it through the time without tears. It was nice to see people...but it wasn't until I got home...the house was quiet, a glass of wine and Pachelbel's Canon playing on the CD player. Then the hole opened up, the emptiness engulfed me and the pain took over. I cried and cried. Bill was so patient and kind talking me through it. The pain must be felt...there is no one and nothing that can take it away. It's like a miserable bear hunt...I can't go around it, can't go over it, can't go under it...I MUST Go Through It. And through it I will...with the help of my friends. Thank you, all you friends out there...without you, going through it would be unimaginable.