Finally Friday

This week had been one of the longest weeks I have experienced in quite some time. It’s been a good week…just really long.

Thursday was the 6th month mark of Steve’s death. In some ways it seems like yesterday we were at the hospital waiting for the organ donation…and in other ways it seems like he has been gone for ever. I miss him and would love to talk with him….but that just isn’t possible. I feel guilty sometimes when I don’t feel bad or sad or mad that he’s not here with me. I know in my heart he is in heaven. I know he is in a better place. If he had survived the stroke, what would our lives be like? Is that the kind of life he would want? I remember praying for him to get through it, make it another day. Then it started to sink in…how our lives would change if he did survive. It wouldn’t be the life we had. He wouldn’t be the dad our kids had. Life is going on. I am going on. Not full steam ahead without thought to anything. Just moving forward to make my life what I want it to be, the best way that I can. Rediscovering who I am and liking who I am and liking my life. Perhaps this comes across as being selfish...I'm sorry if it does.