It is amazing when I stop long enough to reflect on the happenings of life. My life is so different than anything I ever thought it would be. I met some wonderful ladies for breakfast/coffee this morning. The conversation was free flowing and we laughed a lot. Prayer requests were spoken and then it was time to leave. Hugs and contentment. We talked about being alone. I can say I am okay with being alone now. Life now is better than I thought it would be in light of being without that "special someone" being fully involved. I do wonder if there will ever be another "special someone." I find myself repeating "For the Lord has plans for me." Yes, I do get lonely. Yet with this new found confidence this new someone will need to be really special.

The weather is cold...the quilt over my lap is warm and protective. I read and ponder what is now...what may be ahead. Another day drawing to a close.

Here it is April 18th already. Where is the time going? There is so much to do and yet not enough time to get everything done. I find myself bored with school. My heart doesn't seem to be in it. The kids are loving. They don't like to listen or follow directions. But their hugs are amazing. I don't know if there is anything to do to get my heads out of the clouds and back in the classroom? I am ready for summer break. MORE than ready! But that too will go by quickly and it will be back into the rush of activity that I am not sure I want to be there for.

Alone...and I'm okay with that. Never thought I would say that, but here I am. Sitting alone in the house. Slept here all alone last night without the least bit of worry or anxiety. A person recently said to me that they wanted to "make me feel better about myself." I found it ironic when I thought about it. For the first time in my life I feel good about myself. I am stronger than I ever have been. God is the love of my life and I am not dependent on someone to make me feel good about myself. My identity is found in Him alone...not a human. God loves me...He really loves ME! Imagine that. It took two men walking out of my life for me to know my heavenly Father loves me and will not abandon me. It's a good place to be tonight...a very good place.

Sunday Evening

I sit here with a quilt made of Steve's shirts laying over my legs; missing him terribly. Trying to write about how I have done my Christian study. Obviously reflecting on the last almost 4 years, given that my Christian study didn't start until after Steve died. Examining the past four years has brought me to a surreal place. I am thankful for the amazing people in my life. People have come and gone. People have come and stayed. People have just left. With all of the people are lessons and love, forgiveness and light.

I am thankful for the growth of our family and the growth of each individual over the past four years.
I look at Ben and see this amazing young man, finding himself, liking himself, enjoying life.
In Gen I see this fragile little butterfly. She is a beautiful young lady trying to understand a world and people...and really, is there really anything to understand in the end?
Kaylyn has even grown. She has found a passion that seems to motivate her.

I am thankful for a hole that has been filled with God's love and grace. A hole filled with God's truth that I am somebody in His eyes, that he will not leave me. He is always there for me, no matter how far I move from Him, He is always waiting patiently for me. An enormous hole that I never thought would have been filled...especially after the death of someone so very loved. The death of someone I put a lot of my identity in. Filled after friends close doors. Filled after a broken man walks out and walks on to "easier." I don't think It was me that was hard...he couldn't feel the emotions...he couldn't let go of the past...he could only go so deep. I still love him, yet I know God has this covered with his plans for me.

Speaker Debbie Griffith-"Woman at the Well" Monologue

Took the kids to see The Magic Flute at the Lyric Opera yesterday. Of course it snowed yesterday. Took us longer to get into the Chicago. We arrived at the ticket taker just as the bells were going off. We ran up all the flights of stairs to get to the UPPER Balcony, plopped into our seats just as the music started to play. WOW! That was a close call. We enjoyed the show. It was Gen's first with Lyric. We mushed through the snow to Lloyd's for dinner and then headed home. Took us 4.5 hours to get home. What a great memory of sharing the music with my children. I want more of that this coming year.

A new year is here. Dear sweet Gen was by my side as we watched the ball drop for a second time. The first time was with Jane and Michael at the hotel as we watched it drop at midnight in New York. What does the year have in store? Where will we find ourselves when the ball drops at midnight 2013? How many time will we laugh? How many times will we cry ourselves to sleep? Will love be found in the days to come? Will I find myself alone again on another New Years Eve? Where will we travel? What will we see? How many rainbows will we see? How many of our loved ones will no longer be with us on this planet as another year draws to a close? What new things will we find to challenge ourselves this year? How many pounds will be gained and lost during the next 12 months? How many words of encouragement will be given to friends and family? How many hugs will be exchanged? How many sweet moments will be shared with God? How many bottles of wine will be shared with friends? How many AAAHHHH moments will we find ourselves caught up in? How many times will we stop to feel the sun's warmth on our face? God knows. We will be thankful for the blessings as well as the trials.